I have no sentence to offer you, but I need you to know that this idea is brilliant. Can I borrow it sometime if I should need it? — Jacqueline says this with the patience of a mother. She sits comfortably in a volcanic gray mid-century modern armchair. Over her right shoulder two tall rectangular windows offer a view of a brick building across the street. Light pours in. The room looks similar to the sixth image that loads if you Google: what a therapist's office looks like. The room is quiet.
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At once I proclaimed myself a well-versed killer of flies. I had at some point developed a method — knowing that coming at a fly from left, right, or above was not good enough. The fly was always too fast, nearly a step ahead, in flight before my shoe could land any possible demise. The method — use two shoes, come at the fly from above, from both left and right. The shoes will meet in a thunderous clap, hopefully with the fly trapped between them.
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because there’s still enough peanut butter left to satisfy that specific, demanding tastebud that without warning some nights is like, “salty, peanut buttery flavor NOW!” because i still haven’t found all the words that fit in the shapes between my lungs and my tongue. i kept living for the perfect hug —
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Prologue
The room that surrounds the writing of this piece is echoing with the faint audio from the neighbor's TV, a hammer in the hand of a roommate, and a slow, warm breeze as coffee stains the cup it came in and the breath of the author whose fingers find each of these letters long before you come to read them.
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“When are you going to come out, Frankie?” — An actual thing that was said to me this week. Granted, it was said by an intoxicated individual who had just found out the unfathomable, confusing truth about who I am. I have come out. I came out. Multiple times to multiple people. I came out to my mother on three separate occasions. I’m gay.
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because i’ve thought about it. because i haven’t yet had the perfect pizza. because there’s still enough peanut butter left to satisfy that specific, demanding tastebud that without warning some nights is like, “smooth, creamy, salty, peanut buttery flavor NOW!” because even if it doesn’t always make sense to me, I’ve seen the happiness in someone else’s eyes when they see me; it works best when it’s unexpected. and vice versa.
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